“Drowning is a bit overdramatic for you, Cas. That’s something I would have expected from… well, me.”
“…Balthazar?”
“Who else?”
“Why are you here? …where am I?”
“Limbo, I think. No one’s ever been clear about where we go when we die.”
“…”
“Don’t worry, Cassie. I’m sure you won’t stay here for very long. You never do.”
“No one will bring me back from this. Not after what I did…”
“Don’t look at me like that. You know I could never stand to see you sad.”
“Don’t pretend that still matters to you.”
“You’ll always matter to me.”
“You betrayed me and I killed you for it. I don’t understand how either of those things gives you any inclination to care for me.”
“What upsets you more? That I betrayed you or that you killed me?”
“…how can you expect me to answer that?”
“Truthfully.”
“Truthfully? I don’t know how to put it into words, Balthazar. How might it feel to have your wings ripped from your body? Is that an honest enough answer?”
“It was never my wish to cause you pain.”
“Then why did you?”
“Look at yourself. Look at where you are, what happened to you. Take that into consideration when you think about what I did, and maybe you will answer your own question.”
“…you could not have been certain this would happen.”
“I wasn’t. I didn’t need to be.”
“…”
“Is it so hard to believe I would do everything in my power to keep you safe?”
“…no.”
“Killing me was merciful, though; I don’t think it would have been easy to carry on with you hating me.”
“I never said I hated you.”
“Don’t you?”
“Balthazar…”
“Don’t. The guilt will crush you if you let it.”
“You were doing what you’ve always done, and I killed you for it. What am I becoming? I never wanted this…”
“You didn’t know. It’s not so bad here.”
“You should be alive.”
“I died protecting what I love the most. There are worse ways to die.”
“Worse than being killed by the brother you loved?”
“Yes.”
“What could be worse?”
“Not getting to see you once more before I died.”
“…I’m sorry…”
“I know. You’ve already been forgiven.”
“I don’t deserve to be. I don’t deserve you.”
“Do you realize I’ve been protecting you almost since you were created? We’re old, Cas. All that time, everything we’ve been through, that doesn’t just go away. If I had to die, I’d rather it be by your hand.”
“Balthazar, I-… what’s happening to me?”
“They’re taking you back… just go, Cas. Don’t fight it. You don’t belong here, not yet.”
“No, I’d rather stay with you.”
“I’ll be here. I’ll wait. Just promise you won’t forget me?”
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branchandroot
FILL: Transcending (Team Balthazar/Castiel)
Date: 2012-12-06 04:09 am (UTC)“…Balthazar?”
“Who else?”
“Why are you here? …where am I?”
“Limbo, I think. No one’s ever been clear about where we go when we die.”
“…”
“Don’t worry, Cassie. I’m sure you won’t stay here for very long. You never do.”
“No one will bring me back from this. Not after what I did…”
“Don’t look at me like that. You know I could never stand to see you sad.”
“Don’t pretend that still matters to you.”
“You’ll always matter to me.”
“You betrayed me and I killed you for it. I don’t understand how either of those things gives you any inclination to care for me.”
“What upsets you more? That I betrayed you or that you killed me?”
“…how can you expect me to answer that?”
“Truthfully.”
“Truthfully? I don’t know how to put it into words, Balthazar. How might it feel to have your wings ripped from your body? Is that an honest enough answer?”
“It was never my wish to cause you pain.”
“Then why did you?”
“Look at yourself. Look at where you are, what happened to you. Take that into consideration when you think about what I did, and maybe you will answer your own question.”
“…you could not have been certain this would happen.”
“I wasn’t. I didn’t need to be.”
“…”
“Is it so hard to believe I would do everything in my power to keep you safe?”
“…no.”
“Killing me was merciful, though; I don’t think it would have been easy to carry on with you hating me.”
“I never said I hated you.”
“Don’t you?”
“Balthazar…”
“Don’t. The guilt will crush you if you let it.”
“You were doing what you’ve always done, and I killed you for it. What am I becoming? I never wanted this…”
“You didn’t know. It’s not so bad here.”
“You should be alive.”
“I died protecting what I love the most. There are worse ways to die.”
“Worse than being killed by the brother you loved?”
“Yes.”
“What could be worse?”
“Not getting to see you once more before I died.”
“…I’m sorry…”
“I know. You’ve already been forgiven.”
“I don’t deserve to be. I don’t deserve you.”
“Do you realize I’ve been protecting you almost since you were created? We’re old, Cas. All that time, everything we’ve been through, that doesn’t just go away. If I had to die, I’d rather it be by your hand.”
“Balthazar, I-… what’s happening to me?”
“They’re taking you back… just go, Cas. Don’t fight it. You don’t belong here, not yet.”
“No, I’d rather stay with you.”
“I’ll be here. I’ll wait. Just promise you won’t forget me?”
“…never.”